There's an old saying I made up

I'm laboring under the delusion that I made up the 'old sayings' below. If you think I have committed any acts of subliminal plagiarism, send me email

Everything seems like a good idea at the time.

Evolution only works because everything dies eventually.

Epistemology is not the study of bugs.

Half the people in the would are below average.

You'll never see the light as long as the sun shines out of your ass (unless you use a mirror).

If your going to pay the dues, you might as well attend the meetings.

Karma is just cause and effect.

Destiny is just 20/20 hindsight.

There's no complaint department in the black market.

Some people need to stand on someone else's hands in order to feel a half an inch taller.

Except for food, shelter, clothing, transportation, education, health care, entertainment, communication and energy, money is useless.

Sexual fantasies are the poetry of the libido.

When you send a mediocre intellect to college, you expand the scope of their mediocrity. Before college: they can't balance their check book; after college: they're melting down nuclear reactors.

To err is human, to forgive, humane.

But for the grace of random events go I.


A computer programmer's job description: Don't take shit from inanimate objects.

Never act surprised that the software worked if the customer is watching.

The only real Artificial Intelligence is coffee. 

The opposite of user friendly is user hostile.


My idea of cooking is exposing cheese to radiation.

Support our brave young hardware and software fighting in the Gulf.

Don't bother to drive me crazy, I'm close enough to walk.

These hands are insured for tens of dollars.

Taco Bell: If you put enough hot sauce on it, it tastes like Mexican food!

Taco Hell: where bad tacos go when they die.

Tighter than a nun's butt on Sunday.

In L.A., there are 4 seasons: winter, spring, summer and fire.


Religion is socially acceptable superstition and / or psychosis [take your pick].

Blasphemy is my hobby.


There's a black guy in the White House and all the nut bags are coming out of the woodwork.

It's amazing that Rush can hide behind something as small as a microphone.


Half of all 20th century American popular music was either done by black folds or by white guys trying to sound black.

Jazz is African - American's gift to the world.


The French call them 'English kisses'.

I always dot my "T"s and cross my "I"s.

Done there, been that.

Every silver lining has it's cloud.

 I've got places to be, people to do and things to go.

Don't make you hurt me.

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copyright © 1998-2019 Eric Mattei
All rights reserved

Oct. 2019 
Last Update:
October 3rd 2019